Friendship is the key for a marriage that last

We all know that some marriages end because of something that went wrong in the relationship but, do we talk about the ones that last?

 I love John Gottman's idea about making friendship the foundation of your marriage. I love his quote from John Gottman's book seven principles for making marriage work " Friendship fuels the flames of romances because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse."

I think Gottman definition of friendship means working on your relationship by making new memories by doing things you love doing and trying new things that you haven't done before.

I have six brothers, and four of them are married. They have shown me how marriages come in all shapes and sizes. My oldest brother Jeremy and his wife, love hiking and photography. My second oldest brother Tyler and his wife, just love adventures, nothing in specific just adventures. Then my brother Aaron and his wife love to play video games so much so that their little son can beat me at Mario Cart. All of my brothers have wonderful marriages, but none of them are similar except for one thing. They were friends before they were married, and they continue to kindle their friendships. My brothers are wonderful examples for me.

My husband and started our relationship off with adventures and doing things that both of us love. One thing that we loved doing was taking quizzes to see what we had in common and then do something with that common interest. 

Covenant Marriages, a thing of the past?

Are we living in a world where we give up on things when they get hard? Divorces in the world are common, and children are used to living in two different places because their families are separated. This not only breaks my heart, but I am sure that it breaks Heavenly Fathers heart to see so many of His beloved children hurting.

As I was doing my genogram, I was so surprised by how many divorces have been in my family. On my mother side, they don't have the gospel or don't follow the gospel standards ( except one brother), so I was expecting the number of divorces that were on her side but what surprised me was on my father side of the family. All of them grew up with the Gospel, so it surprised me that there were several divorces not only with my cousins but also my aunts. You would think growing up with the gospel and always learning about temple marriages and covenants that divorces would be less often. What made all of these marriages fail? What made all of the other marriages work?

As I was reading Elder Bruce C. Hafen gave a talk on Covenant marriage, some of my questions were answered. One story that helped me understand maybe why some of these marriages failed was the story he shared about three kinds of wolves that test marriages. The first wolf is natural adversity, things like your car tires go flat on you, or you break your leg. The next wolf is the imperfections of people.  In short, this wolf is in imperfections that we don't grow out of. If we are quick to anger or quick to judge these type of things cannot only test a marriage but could destroy them altogether. The third wolf is excessive individualism. The Idea of what is in it for me? Or how can I get what I want? 

One wolf that I have seen from a couple that has lived in my ward boundaries that were affected by the last wolf. This couple had been married for several years kids moved out grandkids and the whole shebang but, there was a disconnect in the marriage. The husband started getting caught up in the world and looking at different people and slowly they got a divorce because of his own selfish desires. All three of these wolfs can hurt or destroy our marriages if we are not careful

Now, how important is a covenant marriage to you? How are you going to keep your marriage sacred?

How to stay strong in your beliefs on marriage while loving people like Christ would.

Marriage between a man and a woman is what many people know days would say is the traditional way of thinking. They would also argue that we need to get with the times and acknowledge that the world has changed for the good in so many other ways from traditional ways of thinking.

Before addressing all of these ideas, I think the most important thing to do first is to find where you stand with marriage then decided how you are going to love people that disagree with you. After reading more and understanding different views from many different people I want first to say that I believe that a child has the best chances in life if they are raised with a good father and a good mother. Heavenly Father put Adam and Eve down on this earth together as an example to us on how he wanted his children to raise families here on earth. We have also been given "The Family Proclamation to The World" that our prophets and Apostles have given to help guide us on what God expects from us.

That being said, I am so grateful for anyone that follows the Saviors example and "loves one another." This was Christ first and great commandment if we don't follow his first commandment then are we really his disciples? I have had several friends who have identified themselves as gay. Do I love them any less? No, I love them just like any other friend of mine but, do I keep my mouth shut when they are discussing things that I disagree with? Absolutely not.

My favorite quote from this week was from "Disciples of Jesus Christ - Defenders of  Marriage"  by Russel M. Nelson he said " Many of your neighbors, colleagues, and friends will have never heard logical and inspired truths about the importance of marriage as God Himself defined it. You will have many opportunities to strengthen understanding of the Lord’s side of that argument by the eloquence of your examples, both as individuals and as families."  

This quote is my favorite because we need to get our thoughts out there. Heavenly Father doesn't want us to just wait for things to happen but he wants us to be active and MAKE things happen. Many of our friends and family will struggle with the identity of marriage and how it should be. That's okay but we have to make sure that we help them understand God's opinion of marriage.

Does this mean that you will change their minds on the definition of marriage?  Probably not, but at least they will know where you stand, and you will know where they stand and live in harmony.

Keeping Family Together

Recently my husband and I have thought about this a lot. We want to start our family soon and can't imagine growing up in this world that continues to grow evil every day? How will we raise children in this evil world? How can we help them live in the world and not be of the world? President Kimball, he stated, “ …only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” How do we become an active family?

The first thing that my husband and I have discussed is we need to teach them principles instead of the do's and don'ts because principles will guide them when we are not there.  Have you seen Despicable Me where Gru says "don't touch anything" and Agnus answers back " what about the floor?" and "What about the air?" It might have been easier to say "my house is full of things that can hurt you please be careful and not touch anything, not in this room."

 I would love my family to know the core doctrines of the church inside and out because doctrines never change. Especially with so many recent policies changes, it is essential for them to have a firm foundation in principles.

Also teaching them how to gain their testimony of things at a young age is crucial. Many of our young people are getting hit younger and younger with trail testers. 

The next thing that we have discussed is regular scripture study for ourselves and as a family. As I was growing up my family was a rough group sometimes to get family scripture study in every day, but I know that on those days my mom was praying for us and giving us the strength for the day. I want to be that type of mother; I want my family to know that when they are struggling mom is always praying for them.

Last but not least I want my family to know that our home is a haven. A place of refuge, a place where they come home and can get the stresses of the day off. I want them to feel like they can tell me everything even if it is bad. I don't want to feel like they will ever be judged, just loved. If you can have that in a home, I feel like you have gained everything in the world. Then you can help your family know that you are always there. This is where actual growing takes place.

Thoughts from School Work

President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care, and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.”