Creating a new family

In-laws

As I grew up, I knew that my parents didn't get along with their in-laws very well. As a kid, I never understood why I loved each side!  My dad favorite "joke" about in-laws is " Do you know the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted!" Things like this made me worry about what my future in-laws would be like. Would they like me? Would I love spending time at their house? Would they treat me like a daughter or an outcast?

Luckily, I married into a wonderful family who accepted me freely. My husband jokes that his mom is more excited when I call then when he calls. But, it is a transition even if you end up with great in-laws like mine, there are still steps to take before you become buddies with your in-laws. In my family, we are loud and joke openly about each other. That's how we "Invite" you into the family. We tease you because to us that helps us feel comfortable when a situation is awkward. My husband's family is almost the complete opposite of my family. They don't joke like my family, and they are a lot quieter than my family. I still sometimes feel uncomfortable and not sure how to joke when I am around them, but I have learned to love them for who they are and have learned a lot from them. I know that if I ended up being stranded somewhere, either side of my family would help me out. It's nice having more family to love, and that loves you.

If I were to offer any advice for someone that is dating and thinking about marrying someone is to start now getting to know their family and don't compare them to yours. If you have an open mind, you will learn to love them just as much as your own.

Balancing!

Marriage is between a husband and wife, and they both have parents, siblings grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, their best friend, their best friends dog, and the lady next store who has a cat that they took care of one time. Then when we get married, we don't realize that we need to help each other balance each other's life while merging to create one big happy family.

Balancing takes time. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. We still haven't learned how to balance our lives perfectly together yet. I have learned on thing though when it comes to balancing If we learn to love our spouse and the people who helped them become who we love, then balancing comes to a lot easier. These are the people who helped shape my husband. When I started looking at it this way it was a lot easier for me to let my husband talk to his best friend who he hasn't talked to in a while, even when he has been at work all day, and I missed him. When we respect the people who our spouse loves, our marriage will deepen even more.

Happily Ever After

Growing up, I always admired many couples. I mean they had a best friend who they were able to be around whenever they wanted! Their own Prince Charming! What I didn't realize is  Prince Charming is everything I have ever wanted but life can be hard sometimes and Happily Ever After takes work. 

Last week I talked about fidelity in marriage and why that is important. That is the first step to your happily ever after. The next one is becoming one as a couple.

President Eyering once said

"Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit
together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.
The requirement that we are one is not for this life alone. It is to be without end. The first marriage was performed by God in the garden when Adam and Eve were immortal. He placed in men and women from the beginning a desire to be joined together as man and wife forever to dwell in families in a perfect, righteous union. He placed in His children a desire to live at peace with all those around them."

To do this, we need to make sure that we are working together, trying our best. We need to make sure that pride is out of our relationship, and we are doing what is best for our spouse and us. We need to have clear goals on how we are going to work through things.

How do we do this? RESPECT! We also need to make sure that we are discussing with one another.

If we have respect, then we will genuinely look out for the other person. We will make sure that we are on the same page with them that we have the same goals.

I have a personal story that happened last night. My husband just got a new job a month ago, and we moved states. My husband has had weird schedules for his training as a manager, the last two weeks have consisted of 12 hour days him getting home eating dinner maybe watching a show and getting back to bed for his early morning the next day. Being in a new state with no job and friends miles away, it has been hard for me not to feel lonely. Last night when he got home I lost it I broke down and cried. My husband let me cry and told me to let it all out. After I was done crying, he asked what I needed. If I needed advice or for him just to listen. I told him I just needed him to listen, and he did.

Nights like this remind me why I want to be with him for eternity.

We do this by making sure we are on the same page. As Elder Ballard has talked about many times, we need to the council. I feel loved, respected, and needed when he is around. Now we aren't always like this, but I sure hope to be better. We need to make sure that we are supporting our spouses when they need us. This way Happily Ever After can happen.

My husband and I don't have any children with us yet. What are some things that you and your husband do to stay close even with the stresses of childhood? 

Why is it important to consecrate our marriage?

       My husband and I dated for a year and a half before we were married most of this being long distance. One day I was talking to Kevin on the phone about how my roommate and a group of friends wanted to go out camping. Lovelingly, Kevin expressed his opinion that this wasn't a good idea. I didn't understand why we were just a group of friends, and no one in that group would do anything wrong like that. I trusted them. After talking to him for a while, I realized that that I didn't feel good about this decision either. I decided not to go camping, and It wasn't until we were engaged, that is when I realized why we don't give exceptions for people that we know or for ourselves. My husband and I came to realize while engaged that if we didn't put up our boundaries, we would fall into immorality. This wasn't because we weren't trying or that we weren't strong in our faith. It was because if you put yourself in a spot where you can be tempted... you will!  And if you continue to put yourself in a situation where you can be tempted it will be harder and harder to be able to resist those temptations. We can't say that nothing bad will happen when we put ourselves into a situation that has the opportunity of going bad. 

WE HAVE TO DO THE SAME WHEN IT COMES TO FRIENDSHIPS! We cannot allow friendships to ruin our marriage.

     Know I realize this is a very bold thing to say and of course you need to have friends I am not saying that your spouse is the only person you should ever talk to but, if there ever comes a time when you are thinking of someone more than your spouse then you need to re-evaluate what kind of relationship you want with that friend and how you are going to change the one with your spouse.

President Ezra Taft Benson once said :

“If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. Sometimes we hear of a married man going to lunch with his secretary or other women in the office. Men and women who are married sometimes flirt and tease with members of the opposite sex. So-called harmless meetings are arranged, or inordinate amounts of time are spent together. In all of these cases, people rationalize by saying that these are natural expressions of friendship. But what may appear to be harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with someone of the opposite sex can easily lead to more serious involvement and eventual infidelity. A good question to ask ourselves is this: Would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man? My beloved brothers and sisters, this is what Paul men at when he said, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

        We cannot allow ourselves to get attached to another person. It may be hard for non-married friends to understand this. I know my friends are still having a hard time with this idea. I have this friend who has helped me through hard times for several years. He and I talked for hours every week, and we enjoyed each other's conversations. Now our talks are minimal because my focus should be building my eternal relationship instead. We still keep in contact and keep each other updated on life but not like it was.  

I feel like the world has such a twisted view of this. They watch tv shows, view pornography, and even have side people who they turn to when times get rough.